Anxiety Isn't the Enemy — It's a Messenger

Dr. Brian Karaan

Author

The Problem With Fighting Anxiety

Most people approach anxiety as something to eliminate. They want it gone — and they want it gone now. But this combative relationship with anxiety often makes it worse. The more you resist, the more the nervous system interprets the resistance as confirmation that something is wrong.

In my practice, I start with a radical reframe: anxiety is information. It's your body's threat detection system doing its job. The question isn't how to silence it. The question is: what is it trying to tell you?

The Somatic Approach

Traditional talk therapy asks "What are you thinking?" Somatic therapy asks "What are you feeling — in your body?"

This distinction matters because anxiety lives in the body before it reaches conscious thought. The tightness in your chest, the shallow breathing, the restless legs — these aren't symptoms of anxious thinking. They are the anxiety. The thoughts come after, as your brain tries to make sense of the physical alarm.

The RAIN Method

When anxiety arises, try this four-step process:

Recognize — name what's happening. "I notice anxiety in my chest."

Allow — don't push it away. Let it be there.

Investigate — get curious. Where exactly is it? Does it have a shape, color, temperature?

Nurture — place a hand on the area. Breathe into it. Offer yourself the compassion you'd give a friend.

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our freedom.

— Viktor Frankl

Cognitive Flexibility

Anxious minds tend toward rigid thinking: catastrophizing, black-and-white reasoning, fortune-telling. Cognitive flexibility training doesn't challenge these thoughts (that can feel invalidating). Instead, it adds alternatives.

Rigid thought: "If I fail this presentation, my career is over."

Flexible additions:

• "A bad presentation is uncomfortable, not catastrophic."
• "I've recovered from setbacks before."
• "My worth isn't determined by one performance."

The goal isn't positive thinking. It's wider thinking — expanding the number of perspectives available to you in a given moment.

Building a Wider Window of Tolerance

Your "window of tolerance" is the zone where you can experience stress without becoming overwhelmed (hyperarousal) or shutting down (hypoarousal). Anxiety disorders are characterized by a narrow window.

The window widens through:

Consistent, gentle exposure to uncomfortable sensations

Vagal toning exercises (cold exposure, extended exhales, humming)

Co-regulation — being with calm, attuned people

Sleep — a non-negotiable foundation for nervous system resilience

The Takeaway

Anxiety isn't a flaw in your design. It's an adaptive system that sometimes miscalibrates. By learning to listen to it rather than fight it, you transform a source of suffering into a source of self-knowledge.